After Mike's death, I was understandably sad. I took our dog and moved back home with my parents. It was the best thing I could have done and am thankful every day of the support and love that they showed me through that time and my whole life.
I needed something to get my mind off of Mike's death, or really just somewhere to go so that I didn't feel alone. That in mind, I actually started utilizing my gym membership an would run on the treadmill for about a half an hour every few days. I got into a good routine and started feeling better already. It helped that my appetite had almost disappeared after Mike died, so I had a chance to cut back on the amount of food that I was consuming, and since I was living at home, my dad made me fruit and yogurt(nonfat, plain) for breakfast every morning, and healthy veggie/protein meals for dinner. I relied a lot on lean cuisines for lunch because, in my mind, they were better than any alternatives and low in calories (and taste!)!
Now, let me explain, that I always thought I had a pretty good idea about what was healthy. I knew that I needed to eat well (a sandwich for lunch and ice cream after dinner are ok as long as you eat veggies, right?), and exercise (15 minutes on the treadmill a few times a week? No problem!). Fortunately, I eventually learned that wasn't going to cut it (we'll get to that later).
I was incredibly HAPPY after I would leave the gym. I would still think about Mike, but the workout would help my mood and sadness exponentially.
It was when I realized WHY I was doing this, that I was able to delve more deeply into it. When Mike died, I realized that life is incredibly short. Whatever my goals were, whatever I wanted to do, it needed to be completed NOW. There was no time to wait. I didn't want to lie on my death bed and wonder why I hadn't gone to the gym more, or travelled, or pursued my passion. I decided right then that I was going to live for Mike. He didn't live to see his 29th or 30th birthdays (one of which would have been in 16 days...) so I was going to do it all for him. I was going to be the healthiest and happiest that I could be to not only reach my goals and have no regrets, but to make him proud and accomplish things that he wasn't able to accomplish.
It wasn't until I realized that I needed to step out of my comfort zone and be a strong, independent women that fitness really started to change for me....
Friday, December 2, 2011
New Beginnings
This is a little background into why I started this blog. I will write a few posts about past experiences to catch everyone up with where I am in my life now. In hindsight, I should have started this blog two years ago, but better late than never :)
On July 13, 2010, my whole world was turned upside down. Prior to that date, I had just graduated from college with a degree in nonprofit management, had moved in with my boyfriend (soon to be fiance-- we were ring shopping!), and was happy, albeit stressed and unhealthy.
My boyfriend, Michael, had a genetic disease called Cystic Fibrosis. Like most people, I had no idea what that meant until I spent a considerable amount of time with Mike and saw the toll that the disease can take. It primarily affects the lungs and digestive system of people with the disease. It causes sever lung infections that cause permanent lung damage, not to mention the asthma, diabetes, pulmonary hypertension, and severely shortened life expectancy that most suffer from. In the two and a half year span of our relationship, Mike's lung function dropped from a solid 30-35% to 17%. Imagine that the average, healthy, active adult has 100% lung function. You breathe completely normally. You have no trouble sleeping in any position, and can easily climb stairs or take your dog for a walk. Now imagine not being able to do ANY of that. Imagine having the lung capacity of someone breathing out of a straw, of having to do breathing treatments of 3-4 different meds 3-4 times a day. Imagine not being able to take your dog for a walk and having to use handicap elevators and parking spots, because any further would be too far to walk. Imagine being hooked up to oxygen 24/7. Now, imagine having to deal with all of this at 28 years old.
This was Mike's life, but he was the biggest inspiration and the reason that I am where I am in my life today. He taught me that disease would not hold him back, and optimisim (with a bit of sarcasm), would make everything better.
On July 13, 2010, at age 28, Mike passed away at UCSD Medical Center while awaiting a lung transplant that could have extended his life. We were planning to get married after his lung transplant.
My entire world came crashing down, but Mike's outlook on life and my desire to make him proud have brought me to where I am today-- healthy, happy, and ready for new beginnings.
On July 13, 2010, my whole world was turned upside down. Prior to that date, I had just graduated from college with a degree in nonprofit management, had moved in with my boyfriend (soon to be fiance-- we were ring shopping!), and was happy, albeit stressed and unhealthy.
My boyfriend, Michael, had a genetic disease called Cystic Fibrosis. Like most people, I had no idea what that meant until I spent a considerable amount of time with Mike and saw the toll that the disease can take. It primarily affects the lungs and digestive system of people with the disease. It causes sever lung infections that cause permanent lung damage, not to mention the asthma, diabetes, pulmonary hypertension, and severely shortened life expectancy that most suffer from. In the two and a half year span of our relationship, Mike's lung function dropped from a solid 30-35% to 17%. Imagine that the average, healthy, active adult has 100% lung function. You breathe completely normally. You have no trouble sleeping in any position, and can easily climb stairs or take your dog for a walk. Now imagine not being able to do ANY of that. Imagine having the lung capacity of someone breathing out of a straw, of having to do breathing treatments of 3-4 different meds 3-4 times a day. Imagine not being able to take your dog for a walk and having to use handicap elevators and parking spots, because any further would be too far to walk. Imagine being hooked up to oxygen 24/7. Now, imagine having to deal with all of this at 28 years old.
This was Mike's life, but he was the biggest inspiration and the reason that I am where I am in my life today. He taught me that disease would not hold him back, and optimisim (with a bit of sarcasm), would make everything better.
On July 13, 2010, at age 28, Mike passed away at UCSD Medical Center while awaiting a lung transplant that could have extended his life. We were planning to get married after his lung transplant.
My entire world came crashing down, but Mike's outlook on life and my desire to make him proud have brought me to where I am today-- healthy, happy, and ready for new beginnings.
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